Carpe Diem

Life has been moving at a very rapid pace these days and in an effort to attempt to live in the moment, I have neglected my dear blog in favor of well...life. Sometimes all you can do is get through a day. Sometimes there's not enough time to reflect on what you did the day, week, or month before. But, I have noticed something happening lately, or rather, not happening...I've NOT been living in the moment, I've NOT been reflecting, I've just been, well...surviving. Life can get crazy with a husband, three kids, pets, responsibilities. I've been so wrapped up in accomplishing goals, getting from one day to the next, that I haven't really been appreciating what I have and THUS, the blog entry, for some much needed reflection time.

I remember almost exactly one year ago going to my doctor for my annual check-up and him telling me there was a lump on my thyroid. I remember coming home and knowing instinctively that it was not good. I didn't find out until the new year that I had thyroid cancer, but I remember making a decision following my check-up...I decided to not...for lack of better term, "sweat the small stuff." Life is too fleeting, important , meaningful, and yes, brief, to stress out over things I can't control. I remember writing in my journal that my life was on "the cusp" of something. I wasn't sure if it was greatness, or something dreadful. I found out shortly after writing that journal entry that it was actually both.

A cancer diagnosis affects the way you view life, but it also affects the way you live it. Silly, trivial things don't matter. They actually, quite suddenly, cease to exist. Arguing over where to spend the holidays and with whom doesn't even make the radar when you decide to grab onto life. Issues that used to cause hours of debate, grief, stress; suddenly become non-issues...Taking pictures, getting down on the floor and playing with my kids, baking Christmas cookies, laughing these are things that are important. And in this past year, of being diagnosed with, and getting rid of cancer I have lost site of that intense feeling I had when I was on the "cusp" of finding out about my cancer. It sucks to say it, but I have fallen back into my regular routine of staying busy, staying stressed.

Everyone @ some point in their lives needs to be confronted with the "real" possibility of death. It will change you. But what no one tells you is it's not a permanent change. That change, that spark, that fighting spirit doesn't burn intensely without some work, some thought, and some effort. God may give you a glimpse of what your life NEEDS to be, but it's up to you grab onto that feeling of importance and go with it. To wake up every morning and make a decision that this time here is going to mean something. So, in the spirit of purpose I have recommitted my self to not letting the tiny things get me down. The holidays are here and I am here to enjoy them. To enjoy my crazy, dysfunctional, dramatic, and loving family. To enjoy the quiet moments @ the end of long days. To take a breath in the midst of a whirlwind of activity and to smile at the complexity and intensity of life.....Life is good...........Happy holidays everyone.....