Doak Family 5: Untitled

So I just deleted a lot of words I had written to describe what today meant to me...I'm not sure anything can really sum up the excitement, anticipation, hopefulness, fear, relief and ultimate joy that went through me as I was baptized.

I took the plunge ya'll and despite the bruise I left on Doug's arm (Oh my gosh, Doug I am sooo sorry...you can totally see me gripping him in the pictures...I mean, seriously his skin is like discolored on his forearm.) it went rather smoothly. To Doug's credit he was holding on pretty tight to me and later on to Jason. Neither one of us fell, thank goodness. So I suppose, that means that God has other plans for me which I guess I need to go and think about....Here are some pictures from our marvelous adventure....enjoy...

I will say this....Having cancer earlier this year really put a lot of things into perspective. You can not go through something like that unchanged. For a very long time after my diagnosis I asked God, "What is the reason for this?" I never questioned, why me? like a lot of people do...I knew that me getting cancer was part of a bigger picture God had in store for me, something I couldn't see. Sometimes when I'm alone I beat myself up for my struggles with faith, but every now and then I'm proud of the way I handle myself in stressful times and circumstances. Every now and then I see God's grace inside of me and I feel his love and his hand guiding me. And as I navigated through the unfamiliar territory of cancer I knew I would come out alright, but the price for that grace was and is to pay that love--God's love--forward and I feel a need to give more than ever...give love to God, my husband, my gorgeous children, my family, and to others whom I've not yet met.

I'm not going to sit here tonight and tell you that getting baptized today suddenly brought everything into focus, answered all of my questions, made things clear...If anything, I have more questions than ever before. But getting baptized--I believe, has brought me one step closer...Closer, to what? I'm not sure, but I can't wait to get there....

Please rest your heads on your pillows tonight and know that this moment of clarity will soon pass and I will be back to blogging about Edward blankets, and Jonas Brothers parties soon enough....take care ya'll...love you...D.