This is what's going on with me ya'll....NOTHING...seriously...All I do is teach the kids, read the Bible (how holy sounding), and complain about reading the Bible (how UNholy sounding)....I REALLY don't know if I can make it through the next two months of this! I need encouragement...Jason and I are holding on by the skin of our teeth. One day he's enthusiastic about the readings, the next day; not. Luckily our ebb and flow have worked out in each others' favor. He encourages me when I need it, and I encourage him when he is over it...Nice little teamwork thing we have going on, no?
The question, however, that keeps plaguing me is...Why am I doing this? Is it solely for the purpose of being able to say I've read the entire Bible? AND if that is the reason...well, who cares? Really...who cares if I've read the entire Bible???? Do I even care? Reading certainly doesn't guarantee clarity. In fact, I've never been more confused in my life. I find myself furiously reading and praying for a moment of understanding, a line, phrase, passage, that speaks to me...that brings everything into focus...(maybe I just need a prescription for new glasses...that Bible print really is quite tiny)...All jokes aside; this is truly stressing me out...Why am I doing this? Why am I not content to go to church on Sunday and learn what I need to learn there? Is it the know-it-all in me? The fierce competitor? And are those admirable reasons for agreeing to do this? Hardly.
Here's the thing that bothers me the most. If I want to finish this book in 90 days, I don't have the time to ponder over the reason I am doing it...I just have to keep reading. Maybe the understanding of purpose will come when I'm finished. But what if it doesn't? What if I read the entire Bible in 90 days and am completely UN-changed. Sure, I may be able to answer the Bible trivia questions on Jeopardy, but what if I'm spiritually unchanged....scary thought...You hear about people reading the Bible all the time and claiming they are "changed" because of it( I mean, come on, look @ Stephen Baldwin)...what if I'm the ONE person who quite literally reads the ENTIRE bible and gets nothing out of it...walks away the exact same person I was on New Years Eve 2009; the night before I took on this challenge? At least if I quit I will have the excuse of not evolving in a spiritual sense. Say I finish though, and all I can say is "Wow, I read the whole Bible." Will I be satisfied with that? Would God? Quitting may be my only way out of such spiritual embarrassment......
But something keeps me going...Day 35 and I'm still in it...What I'm getting out it..not quite sure....yet.
Maybe reading the Bible is not for you to completely understand right now. Maybe it is for it to ponder and evolve in your brain for time. Then one day POOF the answer will come flowing out of the mouth of the babe that it was taught to. God has funny ways of doing things. Don't question him just do as you has commanded you to do. Faithful servant in his word. Love ya girl. You can do it. Just remember maybe the satisfaction of reading it is not for you but to help someone else. Pondering Question to ask yourself!!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep on reading! You got it and I'm very proud of you and Jason. I've been hammered with distraction after distraction and I've fallen off the wagon so to speak! I'm still reading, but I'm way off pace and I don't think I'll be done in 90. So finish it for me! And I'll catch up when I can! And thanks for loving those high school kids!
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